feel like remarrying my wife

i want to remarry my wife and make my oaths to her.

i will not be lazy to not take care of you
i will make the tea you may drink
i will fill this tea with all the love and prayers for you
i will listen to you, your thoughts and ideas and not just listen but tell what i think of them
i will give you the bear hug
i will help you get back the confidence you had in life
i will hold your hands at every opportunity
i will give my shoulder for you
no matter what happens, i will be there for you

everyday i will recount if i did something not in line with this

the reason

it has been more than 5 years since i am married to malar. there has been a lot of blood all the way from the starting. she has intensely struggled to live with me, i have been the most laziest guy i've ever known. there is this thing that comes in and fools the brain into thinking that enjoy this moment and let not cause any pain to the body. but when i come to my senses i can see the damange caused, but alas the demon keeps coming up again and again. i want to put an end to this demon and this blog is to record my struggles with this demon in me, that is killing my beautiful wife.

there is a reason to everything in this world and this is my reason. i wish time flies back and gives me this hindsight to have acted rightly at different points of time. but the past is dead and no thoughts on spilt milk. i want to take a vow to myself .... i will be the good husband that my wife deserves and the good father that my son deserves.